The Wedding Date

Well I have hit a part in my life that I thought only happened in Hollywood movies, yes I am the lone single gal searching for a wedding date. Apparently somewhere along the way my friends got serious boyfriends or married, or are the ones getting married, and I missed out on it all. Not that I am complaning, my friends have amazing.amazing.amazing boyfriends, fiancees, and husbands. I am happy for them. Sometimes I just wish I knew more single people. But really, is this my life from now on, everyone keeps getting serious and growing up, and there is me and my peter pan syndrome. Am I afraid to committ? And is there anything wrong with that?

Also let's go on to this whole topic of wedding dates. Really it is hard to find the right one. You don't want to take someone you just met, b/c that is awkward. IT's not like going to a friend's wedding is a good icebreaker. Then you have to take someone you know is going to be a good date, b/c the worst is being stuck at a wedding with someone who doesn't want to dance. And really the date isn't even needed if your friends aren't in the wedding party or getting married (but it does make slow dances awkward, but hey I will dance with anyone.) You just got to have the right mix. There is a whole science to these things.  They should teach classes on these at the local library. There is the wholeresponse card and turning that in a month before you even know who is going to be around at that time, then the whole chicken or beef or pork decision, and thennnnn do you put the person's name on the card...ohh it is so overwhelming...

I will keep you updated on the whole ordeal...

I am seeing Mellencamp this weekend!!!!!

That is if everything goes okay, which it probably won't, but I am okay with that too. I am okay with that b/c we take what each experience has to offer us. I am still excited. I got veclemped whilst looking at his pic in the paper today!!! Oh the places you will go. Did  I mention it was Indianapolis?? I mean........it isn't that bad of a city!

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Separation Anxiety

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Two entries in one night??

So later on that day I got to thinking about relationships...

I woke up last night at 4:30am with a lot on my mind. There were a lot of emotions going through my head, and a lot of issues that I clearly had been pushing back. I couldn't get back to sleep, my mind kept racing with things that I had wished I had said at points in my life. Things and times where I wished I would have confronted someone, or stood up for myself. There were feelings of bitterness for someone in particular that has never asked for forgiveness from a situation in which I have apologized for. But like I was told this summer by a wise woman, I have done what I had to do and apologized for my part in it all, and I can't ask for anything more. I need to forgive, and forgive completely. I need to let go of the anger I have felt for once and for all. It always makes me wonder; the wounds we all carry around. The way different people affect us, and our emotions. Why are we so quick to forgive some, but then others it takes years?? Why do we seem to make the same mistakes, but with different people? Why does it take longer for us to learn something about ourselves that we can clearly see in someone else. Why do we always want what we can't have, or what we know isn't right for us?

 I have been on a journey these last six years. A journey that I think is all about me finally discovering my worth as a person. I know that I don't fully believe that I can ever be loved for who I really am. I know that I don't think that I am fully worth the love of someone. I don't even believe sometimes that I am good enough for God to love. That is why rejection hits me harder than most. B/c I just want to be good enough. I just want to let go and forgive. Most of all I want to forgive myself, and love myself.

Just so you know I love life and I love that each and everyone of us is on a journey. A journey that takes us places we could never have imagined. I love that about life. I love that it changes us and shapes us. I love that by HIS wounds we are healed, and that all of us are just trying to answer our questions, and learn to love.

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Come on Baby Make it Hurt So Good

I can't explain it, but there is just something about John Mellencamp that gets me going. I mean really the sound of his voice and his music, I could be happy listening to it forever. I have seen the man in concert 5 times, and hopefully this Sunday it will be my 6th. I am not letting anything stop me. I am driving to Indy in the morning and camping out for the free concert until he takes the stage at 7:30pm. I don't care if I have to sit through Collective Soul. I don't care if I have to deal with college basketball fans, since I clearly am one of them. I will be front row to see the man who makes my knees go weak. Now seriously I am not stalker like obessed with Mellencamp, but I do enjoy him. The man is so well spoken, and so very smart. I would vote for him for president, and I think he would make a very good one at that. His music is amazing, just try to imagine like without Jack and Diane, Smalltown, Cherry Bomb, Hurt So Good, and R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A. He still continues to write great songs on his own terms, and that is what I love about him. He is still rocking, he still cares about the american people, and he knows where he came from. The man is a genius.

So here goes, hopefully someone is coming with me, hopefully I can afford to park my car (hopefully on Sundays it is free), and I can see the love of my life. So come on baby make it hurt so good, b/c sometimes love don't feel like it should, you make it hurt so good!!!